Make the Woman Look Good

Words of wisdom on the role of a husband from someone I greatly admire. I still have much to learn, it’s a good thing my wife is so patient.

Pastor Eyer

When my wife and I started dance lessons some years ago I remember our dance teacher saying to me, “Your job as a man is to make your wife look good when she dances.” I was taken back by that and wondered to myself, “Why is it my responsibility to make her look good? That’s her job, not mine!” Apart from the fact that I didn’t think I looked all that good myself as a dancer, it seemed a lot to ask of me to take responsibility for making her look good too. I eventually learned that what he was trying to tell me is that I needed to work on over-coming my own flaws in dancing in order for her to recognize and work on hers. When I did, so did she, and we both improved in our dancing and in our relationship together as husband and wife.


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God, Take Me Instead

Concluding my observations from C.S. Lewis’ A Grief Observed (see it here in Goodreads)Click here to read the previous thought.

When I first started listening to country music in the 1990’s, one of my favorite songs was Don’t Take the Girl by Tim McGraw. I liked it because it talked about chivalry and a young man protecting his girlfriend during a robbery. But the third verse, starting at 2:43 in the video below, is the best part. In it, the couple are now married but the wife is dying due to complications during childbirth. The husband pleads to God to take him instead because of his love for her.

This isn’t some new kind of thought; I think in a case of true love, many a times has one person wanted to trade places with a loved one who is suffering or in pain. C.S. Lewis, in his account of his wife’s battle with cancer, wrote about this thought in A Grief Observed (44).

And then one babbles–‘If only I could bear it, or the worst of it, or any of it, instead of her.’ But one can’t tell how serious that bid is, for nothing is staked on it. If it suddenly became a real possibility, then, for the first time, we should discover how seriously we had meant it. But is it ever allowed?

Because of sin, both original sin and our individual sin, this world is cursed and sufferings have, and will continue to, come. Because of sin, we have an eternal punishment awaiting us. But the Good News is that Jesus paid the price for our sin in our stead. He is the only One to whom it was allowed to take the place of another so that we would not need to suffer eternally.  As Lewis writes:

It was allowed to One, we are told, and I find I can now believe again, that He has done vicariously whatever can be so done. He replies to our babble, ‘You cannot and you dare not. I could and dared.’

And yet, we still suffer not only physical trials but also emotional, psychological, or spiritual trials. Truly, although I wish I could take the suffering for my beloved wife, I cannot and I must not because there is a purpose for God allowing these things to happen in our lives. Lewis writes regarding trials in our lives (52):

But of course one must take ‘sent to try us’ the right way. God has not been trying an experiment on my faith or love in order to find out their quality. He knew it already. It was I who didn’t. In this trial He makes us occupy the dock, the witness box, and the bench all at once. He always knew that my temple was a house of cards. His only way of making me realize the fact was to knock it down.

And so, when faced with a loved one’s suffering and pain, we must ever remember that God has allowed this, not because God is a cosmic sadist, but because He loves us more than we could love Him or another person. The suffering and pain will come, but it can be used to build us up. As Paul writes in his letter to the Romans: “tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” (3b-5 NKJV)

A letter to our young Christian women

Wonderful thoughts from my friend Adriane Heins to the young ladies of our times.


Being a girl can be hard. Being a Christian girl can be even harder. But in the midst of a time and a place where femininity and humility and, well, normalcy are rare, you stand out like a city girl at a rodeo.

In a good way.

There are days when staying the course feels hard, and it seems like you’re the only one left that’s standing for something, for anything.

But you’re not. In Christ, you are never alone. And while you journey on in this broken world, or sally forth as my pastor likes to say, let me give you a few words of encouragement as a woman who used to be a high school student (read: nerd) myself.

5. Don’t freak out about what you’re going to do after college.

The world and your teachers and your peers are going to press in hard. They…

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My “Thesis” Is Published!

My good friend, Linda Bartlett, has written a must-read book for all parents, educators, and anyone who is concerned about abortion. She tackles the foundation of how our society has gotten to where it is regarding attitudes towards sex, marriage, and, ultimately, the value (or lack thereof) of human life.

Ezerwoman's Blog

My book cover Without fanfare or ceremony, the deed is done!  I have just completed nearly two years of writing a book.

On May 2, 2014, it was officially published and made available on Amazon.  There is enough left in my well of words to say “thank you” to an extraordinarily patient and helpful support team.  You know who you are.

The title of the book is The Failure of Sex Education in the Church: Mistaken Identity, Compromised Purity.  It is not the book I dreamed of writing.  It is the book I was compelled to write after thirty years of working with and listening to parents and the children they care about.

The book is 250 pages with over 230 footnotes.  No, I’m not in graduate school, but yes, this is my thesis. It is a dissertation that covers more than the controversial subject of sex education.  It explains how humanists…

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Love is War

I was at Oktoberfest at my church earlier this month and a small, insignificant disagreement arose between my wife and I. Immediately one of our friends asked, “Is there anything you two don’t argue about?” Firstly, I’d like to point out that a disagreement between two people doesn’t automatically mean that they are arguing. Secondly, the word “argument” is not rightly understood because in no definition of the word is there any hint of malice or anger, just a debate, difference of opinion, or rationale.

But here’s something that most people don’t seem to understand: all marriages will come with arguments (as in disagreements, not the angry kind). That’s because we are all individuals with opinions, likes, dislikes, and whatnot. It’s when those disagreements become angry and hate-filled that we have a problem (and yes, every marriage will have experienced a slamming door at one point). The real question is how do you handle those situations and how do you move past them?

Do you hold on to grudges or do you forgive each other? Do you want to mold your spouse into your vision of him/her or do you accept him/her for who she is? Do you work at the marriage or do you just give up? Sometimes there is no hope because the other person doesn’t want to listen or change, but do you have no patience and move on too quickly?

I wanted to share this song with an interesting theme: love is war, but it’s worth fighting for.